The Kingdom, of God, that is...

...whatever it is, I want it. I have read about it, sang about it, and heard lots of people talk about it, but I am still very unsure as to what it really is or even looks like. After almost 30 years of following (or trying to follow) Jesus' teachings, I do understand most of the prerequisites to finding it as explained by Jesus Himself. But at this point in my life, I still feel like I am chasing the wind on this particular issue (and maybe that is His intention for me as it pertains to seeking). Mind you, I have had some awesome experiences in the spirit and seen some pretty amazing things over the years. But how much of that was actually the kingdom? How much of it was not even close?

I have heard 'the kingdom' defined as God's way of doing things, His rule and reign. And I must admit, sometimes I think I see that and most of the time I don't. But if that definition is true and His way of doing things is not like mine at all, and in fact MUCH higher, then maybe I have seen and experienced more of the kingdom in my lifetime than I realize (because remember, I still don't know for sure what it looks, smells, or tastes like). However, I do believe I have a pretty good idea of what it is not and would almost be willing to challenge anyone who would want to be dogmatic about what it really is.

Even Jesus threw a few curve balls on this issue. Like when He told the scribe in Mark 12 that he was not far from the kingdom because he answered 'discreetly' concerning the greatest commandments. Well, how 'not far' was he? Really? He may have been a lot closer than I am right now based on his understanding of that one concept. And then Jesus said in Mark 11 and Luke 7, referring to John the Baptist, that he who is least in the kingdom is greater than he. There, He makes the kingdom sound like a family or an organization and, if that's true, then I have already found it! Or maybe IT has found me? But then Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 6 and Luke 11 to pray 'Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.' Here it almost sounds like something that is tangible and can be experienced or felt (as mentioned earlier, I have had some of these). 

The gospels are full of references and descriptions of the kingdom and things that is can be compared to which were made mostly, if not entirely, by Jesus. But I have not seen or read in them where He made it really clear that THIS or THAT is the kingdom (in fact, oftentimes it seems to be just the opposite). One reason, I think, is because He knew that we would probably make a doctrine out of it and use it to exalt ourselves above and/or condemn others. In Matthew 25, Jesus talks about the judgment between the sheep (righteous) and the goats (unrighteous). I love that He says even the righteous will ask, and Im paraphrasing, "When did we do righteously?" It appears that the righteous are not aware of their own righteousness or their righteous deeds. Maybe this too is the kingdom. And maybe this is what made the scribe be so close to it. AND maybe this is what makes even someone like you and me quite possibly be greater than John the Baptist.

One thing I know for sure is that, whatever the kingdom is, I want it. And Jesus said in Luke 12:32 that it is the Father's good pleasure to give it to us...

Honestly...

I still feel as if I have no clue as to what You have called me to do or how to do it. My days and weeks are like a "Catch 22" and this particular week feels like, well, at least 3 steps back? I believe that if I draw near to You then You will draw near to me in return. But sometimes it feels like the game I used to play with my boys when they were toddlers. They would crawl after me and I would move away from them. But my intention was to keep them crawling after me. This was all fun (for me, anyway) until one day my youngest son wasn't finding much pleasure in that anymore. He was a little slower than my oldest son and was getting frustrated trying to keep up with me and began to cry. So I stopped. I never played like that with him again. 

But with You, I feel more like my oldest son. Like somehow You know that I will keep 'crawling' after You, if need be, until I catch hold of You. While on the other hand, You are not running ahead so far and fast that I am able to eventually catch up. And so we go. But on occasion, I feel like my youngest son. And I want to just sit here, pout, and cry (in my own little pity party) until You finally stop moving on ahead and come back for me. But I know You won't. Because You know me.One son is no better than the other in my eyes, as it is with You. But You know each one of us so well that we can honestly say You will put no more on us than what we are able to bear. And You expect no more from us than that which we are capable of. 

In my hand, You have placed talents (something entrusted to me). I'm not sure if it is one, two, five, small, medium, or large, but I have been given a certain amount of something that You, O shrewd Master, are expecting a return on WITH INTEREST (ouch)! And You have seen me (many times) kneeling down in the sand -and not about to write something mysterious and powerfully convicting- but with a shovel trying to dig a hole big enough to bury whatever this is I am afraid to put to use because I really don't fear You. But like so many times before, I can feel Your spirit breathing down my back and nudging me forward into something far deeper and greater than I could ever imagine...and I still won't move or stretch forth my hand.
 
So, how do I find out what it is that I am so wickedly and lazily holding on to? Perhaps I should go back to December of 1983, where I first asked You into my heart, began to hear Your voice clearly for the first time, and received my first clue. I'm sure You said some things that I have simply forgotten because I have been hearing so much from so many, myself included. Or the cares of this life, as You said they would, have entered in and choked the life out of those words (which is impossible because the words You speak are spirit and life, but it sure can seem like it sometimes). Yes, all the way back to the moment when I first saw the Light and then turned my eyes and empty hands to You. Chances are, whatever 'talent' You placed there is still there today. Help me, Lord, to give it all away...please.

Some things are better left 'unknown'

“The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” This is a quote from Deuteronomy 29:29, which basically tells me that there are some things we just don’t know. Maybe we will know them in heaven when all is revealed, maybe not. I also believe this was the case with the tree in the midst of the garden mentioned in Genesis. Although it was referred to as the ‘tree of the knowledge of good and evil’ and carried with it a ‘disclaimer’ that eating from it would make them like God, knowing good and evil, it did not make them all-knowing (or, omniscient) like God. Neither did it make them omnipotent, omnipresent, or any of the other all-encompassing attributes that God  is. Perhaps it was Adam and Eve’s misunderstanding of the instruction concerning the tree and its true description and potential danger. When it comes to mankind, I believe  God loves us so much that He has placed limitations on how much we can know about Him, from Him, and see or even perceive of Him. In Genesis 3, after putting Adam and Eve out of the garden, He placed an angel with a flaming sword there “to keep the way of the tree of life” (v. 24), thereby protecting it from them and them from it!

And what about the infamous city of Babel in Genesis 11 where the people got a (crazy) notion to build a tower that would reach up to heaven LEST THEY BE SCATTERED ABROAD OVER THE EARTH. How ironic! Even though God responded to this first by acknowledging that their unified efforts would allow them to achieve anything they set out to do, He would only allow them to go so far, thus He thwarted their plans by destroying their ability to communicate effectively with one another. The end result: they were scattered abroad over the earth. Isaiah 14 also talks about the boast of Lucifer and his claim that he will exalt himself and his throne above God’s. And how did that work for him? Verse 15: “Yet you shall be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.” That’s quite a fall. Need I mention Job and his friends and the way God put them all in their little finite places because they were trying to declare things they did not understand, much less know? The old testament is full of examples in which God rebukes humans who were nowhere around when He created the world as we know it, including us.

A Christian songwriter once wrote:
“God is God and I am not.
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting.
God is God and I am man, so I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God.”

And He has reserved for Himself that right. I also believe that that it is for our highest good and we should be content with that. Yes, I believe that God reveals things to us by His Spirit, but not all things. And yes, I have the mind of Christ, which means that I am capable of thinking like Him and doing what He does, but not to know everything that He knows. Just like God told Adam and Eve that they could FREELY EAT of all the other trees in the garden, Deuteronomy 29 says that the things that ARE revealed belong to us and our children forever. And I believe there is so much that has been revealed that we will spend the rest of our earthly lives striving to obtain just a portion of it! Paul also said in 1 Corinthians 13:9,10 that we see in part and we prophesy in part, BUT when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part will be done away. As children grow into adults, so also do we see and know more clearly as we grow in faith and grace, but we have yet to see and know those secret things

God is God and He is holy. And I don’t think we even know what true holiness is. But He seems to have us living out somewhat of an endless ‘Catch 22′ by telling us to be holy and perfect (mature, complete) as He is holy and perfect, which we obviously are not. So, why does He do us like that? I believe it is because of the absence of and need for eternity, and finding our role in it, that He created within us that is meant to keep us seeking, hungering, thirsting, and longing for Him and His righteousness (we’re not 100% sure what that one is either). I like what Paul goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 13:12, that now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face. And now we KNOW in part, but then shall we know even as we are known (Brown’s paraphrase). If this is true, then my true self is only known and seen by Him. How can I possibly claim to fully know Him when I don’t even fully know myself because THAT is, on this side of eternity, only known by Him? And when I really think about it, knowing myself the way that an all-knowing God knows me is kinda scary.

What is Going On???

I'm sure that I am not the only one asking that question. Neither am I trying to answer that question, as so many others seem to be doing. Truth is, I don't know what is going on. And I would dare to assume that any one else does either. At least, no one that is human. All we really know is what's happening in our own neck of the woods - however big or small that may be.

Just a few months ago, I (finally?) came to the realization that God is in control. And it seems that I have not been able to move past that point of revelation. Especially when I find myself feeling bad about what is and is not happening in my personal life, marriage, family, job, finances, home, etc, etc, etc (!), and then I receive an email from someone I know who lives in Israel. (Love or hate them, we all know what is happening over there). But when I compare my situation to theirs and so many others who are facing more difficulties then I will ever know, my focus is shifted from myself as well as my prayers.

Which brings me to my next point. Because what I DO know is that there is a much bigger picture than you and I or any human alive on this planet can wrap our finite brains around. Which is what causes me to believe that there must be and is Someone who DOES know what is going, can wrap His brain around it (and probably His pinky finger), and is capable of doing something about all of it. And He reserves the right to let us in -or not- on how little or much He wants to. That's why we need to be looking to and listening to Him as much as we possibly can. If He knows the end from the beginning, which He does, then He certainly knows where we all are right now and how we all fit into 'the bigger picture' which He alone can see.

I realize that many will argue, just as many already have since ages past, the belief that God is sovereign. And that's fine with me. But I think -hence, the name of my blog- that one who chooses to be their own god (self-proclaimed, that is) is very, very limited in their realm of authority and power, and their knowledge of world-wide events and how those events directly affect their fellow man ultimately. I cannot in good faith trust or follow someone who is that powerless, myself included. Nor can I submit the keeping of my life, in it's totality, to a higher power that/who offers me no grace, mercy, love, compassion, understanding, wisdom, strength, joy, peace or hope. And not just for myself, but also for the good of my fellow man. 

I don't know what's going on...not even in my own little neck of the woods! But my father once told me that a wise man doesn't know all the answers, but he knows where to find them. For me, that would be the Source of all wisdom, understanding, knowledge, power, and might. And "there is no wisdom, nor understanding, nor counsel against the Lord." (Proverbs 21:30). And this He declared in Jeremiah 9:23-24 "...Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: but let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth [M]me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth, for in these things I delight, saith the Lord." 

But the laborers are YOU...

There are dreams and aspirations in my heart that I keep suppressed (no one is suppressing them BUT me - I'm learning that one the hard way, as usual) along with thoughts of kindness, gestures, and good deeds toward others. Not to mention the gifts, skills, and talents that I keep buried in the sand, safely kept in tact until the shrewd Taskmaster returns on the day of reckoning and rewards me by calling me a 'wicked and slothful servant' - ouch! 

I am beginning to believe that the day of reckoning comes for each of us more than just once at the end of our lives. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit have all come to me at various times in my life to take a surprise inventory of my life and found me wanting (sounds better than lacking, doesn't it?). And their intent has not been to make me feel like a wicked and slothful servant at all (sounds a lot worse than condemned, right?), but rather to encourage me to be being 'about my Father's business.' 

Just this week, I listened and watched as leaves fell to the ground and realized just how much I love even the very smells of the fall season! At the same time, I heard very softly and several times in my spirit, "the harvest is passed, the summer is ended, and we are not saved." (Jeremiah 8:20) I began to feel one of those 'reckonings' coming on, and I was forced to ask myself, "What have I done?" and "What am I doing?" Not that it was too late, but that it might be - soon (like hearing the end from the beginning). It was a gentle but stern warning to get busy with what I perceive God to be telling and leading me to do so as to avoid future regrets of missed opportunities.

Just imagine, if you will, tilling and cultivating soil (a lot of work!), planting and watering seeds, watching them grow into mature plants, and then missing the harvest. Why? Because we got tired of waiting? Distracted? Offended? Deceived? Lazy?(sounds better than wicked and slothful, don't it?) Whatever the reason, missing harvest would be bad enough. But to realize that we are also still not saved would be a double whammy. That is like not being called to the dinner table at the end of the day because you didn't finish your chores!

September 23, 2010 was another day of reckoning for me, the day my son ended his life. Thank God that he was saved, despite opposing views concerning the eternal fate of those who commit suicide (One can live to a 'ripe old age' - pun intended - and still not be saved in the end). But two years later I am again being asked, in a sense, to give an account for my life and my actions. Am I still not saved? Mature in Christ? Perfected in love? Do I still not get it? That there is a really big harvest, white and ripe, awaiting me right outside my front and/or back door...maybe even closer?

Lord of the harvest, I really do want to hear you say to me, 'Well done, good and faithful servant...enter into the joy of your Lord!' But I realize that I won't hear that if I continue to withhold from You the very things that You placed in me to accomplish the good works that You have already prepared for me to walk in. Please help me to uncover what I have kept hidden away from You and others and to become the laborer that You have called me to be for this generation. Amen

Follow Me...

“…and I will make you fishers of men.” Jesus said to His disciples in Matthew 4. But in Mark 1 He said it a little differently, “Come after me…” which I like a lot better because it actually implies following. While in Jerusalem I saw a t-shirt that said it this way, “Then Yeshua said to them, follow Me and I will make you become fishers of men.” That became real to me in that moment for two reasons. One, it was as though Jesus Himself was speaking directly to me (by His Hebrew name). And two, it was spoken as a command in a manner I had never heard before…I will make you become (or as in accordance with Hebrew thinking, you will be becoming.) Not only was this very direct for me, but it was also very comforting because I realized in that statement that HE would do the making and not I. For years I have been trying to ‘follow Him’ and ‘become,’ but now all I needed to do was follow, or come after Him. In Mark 1, the Greek carries with it an interjection, “Come here! Now!,” and then come after or get behind Me, follow in My steps, go where I go.

I also got some hands on training in this very thing while in Jerusalem. We had a tour guide, a Levite who lived in the city, leading our group of about 24 people. Not only did he live in Jerusalem, but he had led many tour groups around the city many times and therefore knew his way through the narrow ‘streets’. At times it became difficult to keep up with him because there were so many people constantly moving and stopping and yelling and trying to sell and buy things. The best thing for me to do was to follow to the person in our group who was ahead of me, provided they didn’t stop to buy something. At that point, it became a matter of judgment because I was faced with waiting on that person or going on without them hoping they would eventually catch up. But it also became a matter of faith and trust because I couldn’t always see the tour guide. I literally had to keep moving and believe that I was heading in the right direction, which became even more difficult when I arrived at a junction in the road. At that point I had to either try to find someone in the group, the guide, or simply(?) walk by faith and pray that I was going to choose the right way! Believe it or not, by doing these things I never got lost (at least, while with the tour group), and I also learned something very interesting and spiritually life-changing.

Jesus says to follow Him and then goes on ahead. And He expects us to do just that – follow Him. And just like our tour guide, He doesn’t always stop to make sure that we are behind Him. He is counting on us to keep following and to keep up as best we can. But He doesn’t expect us to do this on our own either, so He gives us faith and the leading of the Holy Spirit to help us on the journey through the hustle and bustle of the ‘narrow streets’ of life. It is His responsibility to get me to where He has called me to be. Thus making Him 'the Way, Truth, and Life.' My new understannding of following Jesus: by faith in Him and trusting what He says, and the leadership of the Spirit even though I have no idea where I am going.